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The Darwin Awards. Here's the winners!
derF
10. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger... The chef's claim was approved.

9. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

8. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

7. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change.. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

5. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

4. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

3. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast... The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

2. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.


And the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.. This time it worked.

Isn't it wonderful the marvelous uses man puts his incredibly complex brain to?
I'll drink to that. Or anything else for that matter.
 
catman
derF: Thanks for posting those. I needed a laugh or two! #7 and #6 I found especially hilarious.
 
Doubting Thomas
With the exceptions of #9 and #1, none of these are Darwin awards since to be qualified you have to remove yourself from the gene pool either by dying or having your reproductive organs damaged to where you can't reproduce.

And #9 is a clear cut case of murder, unless you claim that the woman was stupid enough to park where snow had just been cleared.

As for #2: http://www.snopes...siphon.asp

Sorry to rain on anyone's parade, but I have to live up to my name!
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you.
 
catman
Well, what the hell, they are still funny.
 
Hypatia
2. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.


I hope anyone stupid - and mean - enough to steal gas would do this one.

lol.

Oh, just read the Snopes link. Eh, too bad.
Edited by Hypatia on 01/15/2010 21:03
 
derF
Doubting Thomas wrote:
With the exceptions of #9 and #1, none of these are Darwin awards since to be qualified you have to remove yourself from the gene pool either by dying or having your reproductive organs damaged to where you can't reproduce.

And #9 is a clear cut case of murder, unless you claim that the woman was stupid enough to park where snow had just been cleared.

As for #2: http://www.snopes...siphon.asp

Sorry to rain on anyone's parade, but I have to live up to my name!


Sorry DT. I don't write em. I just report em. Got any complaints go to the panel that hands out the Darwin Awards. Since you seem to be in the mood you might like to trample through the Norwegian board that awards the Nobel Peace prize too. Since you have to live up to your name!
I'll drink to that. Or anything else for that matter.
 
Skeeve
I'm a big fan of the Darwin Awards.

http://www.darwin...om/darwin/

I always thought you had to die to claim your prize.Pfft


"The world is my country, and do good is my religion." - Thomas Paine
 
Hypatia
[img]http://www.pic4ever.com/images/25r30wi.gif[/img] is not a valid Image. Yeah, I just love those.

Love Crushed Sex
1999 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin

(June 1999, Florida) Okeechobee County investigators believe the death of Bryan, 28, was related to his wife's habit of stomping rabbits and mice for sexual pleasure. Stephanie, 29, was sentenced to two years of probation and community service for the death of her husband Bryan, who was found in a pit with a board over his body, crushed beneath the rear wheel of his sports utility vehicle.
Stephanie did not deny that she drove over her husband, but in her own defence she released tapes to the police showing her stomping small mammals to death. She was identified by a cryptic tattoo on her lower leg.

Such "crush" videos are sold to people who derive sexual pleasure from the sight of death, especially at the hands of a woman. "It was abhorrent and cruel," said Assistant State Attorney Bernard Romero. "My first instinct was to seek the maximum penalty."

But Stephanie contended that she was an unwilling participant in the videos, and had been beaten many times by her husband prior to his bizarre death. Stephanie was charged in July with two counts of felony animal cruelty, which were later reduced to misdemeanors.

As for her husband, his death under the wheels of his car was presumably a loving sex act between consenting adults. But a man who would lie in a special pit while a woman he groomed for "crush" videos drove over him, shouldn't be surprised when he winds up holding a Darwin Award.


[img]http://www.pic4ever.com/images/292.gif[/img] is not a valid Image.

[img]http://www.pic4ever.com/images/gigglesmile.gif[/img] is not a valid Image.
Edited by Hypatia on 01/17/2010 01:50
 
Hypatia
Silly xtians...

Walking on Water
1999 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin


(24 November 1999, California) One particular group of Christians attempted to follow in Jesus' footsteps more literally than most. They worked to master the secret of walking on water. Diligently, day by day, the group tried to be closer to God by making a sincere effort to walk on water. These Christians continued their unorthodox practices until the leader of this small Los Angeles group unexpectedly died while practicing in his bathtub. His wife said James spent many hours trying to perfect the technique of walking on water, but had not yet mastered the ability. He apparently drowned after slipping on a bar of soap.

Note from Giles Read -- "These people obviously haven't realised that anyone can walk on water. I've done it myself. Just wait until the lake freezes..."
 
catman
Hahaha! Good one!
 
Doubting Thomas
Skeeve: You either have to die or have your genitals mutilated in a way so as to prevent you from procreating, thereby removing your genes permanently from humanity.
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you.
 
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