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Right-Wing email
Doubting Thomas
I thought I'd start a thread to share some of the right wing pro-Christian email I receive from time to time that gets under my skin.

Here's one I received today:

After being interviewed by the school administration, the teaching prospect said, 'Let me see if I've got this right:' You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse,monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.' You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride. ' You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job. You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial be behavior, and make sure that they all pass the state exams. ' You want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card. ' You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps. You want me to do all this and then you have the nerve to tell me.................'I CAN'T PRAY?'



GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you.
 
FreakMeow
Did you tell that moron that it can be done?
 
derF
Obviously this fellows education was wasted on him. Why would an educated person invoke such things as luck and deities to achieve his goals?
I'll drink to that. Or anything else for that matter.
 
seeker
Obviously the job is too much for him and he should consider a different line of work. I think a qualification for teaching shoild be sanity.
 
catman
I think the "I CAN'T PRAY?" was supposed to be funny. Anyway, does he have to move his lips to pray?
"If I owned both Hell and Texas, I'd live in Hell and rent out Texas." - General Sheridan
 
Sinny
Why can't this teacher pray at home and leave it there? There's no way I am going to believe one teacher teaches all of what was described. A history teacher teaches history, English teaches English. I think it's time for this one to find another job.

Also has anyone actually noticed the high paying salaries some of, if not most or all, these teachers are making? Shit there was an article in our newspaper about a year ago, or less, where they were making way too much money. They have the best union. They have their hands in the pockets of almost all politicians and get more money than most people realize. Years ago being a teacher didn't pay much but not today. Today they make a shit load and what about tenure? They have it too good.
 
catman
I don't know that they have it too good. However, some of them aren't good enough to have it.
"If I owned both Hell and Texas, I'd live in Hell and rent out Texas." - General Sheridan
 
Doubting Thomas
This one gets under my skin because it repeats that same old Christian misconception that it's illegal for anyone to pray in school, period. No, dumbass, it's perfectly legal for anyone to pray in school if they want to, it's just illegal to have mandatory prayer (unless a private religious school).

Trouble is the one who sent this to me is a good friend but doesn't know I'm not religious. But I may send a reply stating what I just wrote above.

And seriously, if you can't do your job without relying on an imaginary friend, then you need professional help.
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you.
 
derF
catman wrote:
I think the "I CAN'T PRAY?" was supposed to be funny. Anyway, does he have to move his lips to pray?


Well, he is Republican (I assume) Catman!

;5lol;
Wink
I'll drink to that. Or anything else for that matter.
 
Hypatia
I think I might send a message back saying something to the effect of: 'People face hardships of every kind, every day, without the need for prayer. Nothing fails like prayer!' (Except that your friend doesn't know you aren't atheist, DT)

godless America









 
catman
Good one, derf!:lol:
"If I owned both Hell and Texas, I'd live in Hell and rent out Texas." - General Sheridan
 
Doubting Thomas
Here's another new one:

The Pope Visits Alaska
The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska for some sight seeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.
A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" hat, and a "To hell with Bush" T-Shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically, and thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly.
As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.
As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."
As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies, "Who was that guy?"
"It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom."
"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom but he doesn't know squat about bear hunting! By the way, how is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?"
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you.
 
Doubting Thomas
And another one:

The Ant & The Grasshopper...
Two Different Versions!
Two Different Morals!
Two Different Outcomes...!

OLD VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying20up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.' Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome.' Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

< div>Nancy Pelosi & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.


Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he20doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.


MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in 2008!!!
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you.
 
Skeeve
What is funny about this moral fable, most if not all grasshoppers die when winter approaches anyway. For the story to be relevant, I would think that another insect that would live year round be used.
"The world is my country, and do good is my religion." - Thomas Paine
 
Bob of QF
Skeeve wrote:
What is funny about this moral fable, most if not all grasshoppers die when winter approaches anyway. For the story to be relevant, I would think that another insect that would live year round be used.


As a kid, I always thought it was an idiotic story-- for I knew about locusts/grasshoppers. (from National Geographic, natch...)

And I also recognized how hard locusts can work....and I used to ask any teacher who tried to tell me the story about that, how did it fit into the story?

Aaaah, the literal-mindedness of a small child, seeing past the silliness of an adult story...
Quantum Junction: Use both lanes

Reality is that which is left, after you stop believing.
 
neilmarr
No great moral to this, DT, but a follow-up to your Pope tale. Two drunken Glasgow guys sitting at the back of the top deck of the last double-decker bus home from the pub.

Sandy: See that guy sitting up at the front? I think it's the Pope?

Jimmy: Go an' ask him.

Sandy staggers up the aisle to the front of the bus: Hey. you the Pope?

Guy gets up from his seat, gives him the finger and says: Fuck off ya drunken auld bastard.

Sandy gets back to Jimmy.

Jimmy: Well, was he the Pope?

Sandy: Ah dinnae ken, Jimmy. He widnae say.

Hoots. Neil
 
catman
;sign10;Excellent!
"If I owned both Hell and Texas, I'd live in Hell and rent out Texas." - General Sheridan
 
derF
Absolutely hilarious, Neil.
I'll drink to that. Or anything else for that matter.
 
Doubting Thomas
Yet another infuriating email I received today. Loosing? Loosing what? Can't these neo-con fucknuggets spell correctly?


YOU AIN'T GONNA LIKE LOOSING ....

I know everyone has a different opinion on the war and our
current President. But, this article makes a lot of sense,
take 2 minutes, read it and give it some thought.

When electing the next President, 'the only decision
you have to make is who you want sitting in that seat in
the White House when - not if - WHEN we get hit again and
millions of American lives are put at risk!'

This is from: 'You ain't gonna like losing.'

Author unknown.
President Bush did make a bad mistake in the war on
terrorism. But the mistake was not his decision to go to
war in Iraq. Bush's mistake came in his belief that
this country is the same one his father fought for in WWII.
It is not.

Back then, they had just come out of a vicious depression.
The country was steeled by the hardship of that depression,
but they still believed fervently in this country. They knew
that the people had elected their leaders, so it was the
people's duty to back those leaders.

Therefore, when the war broke out the people came together,
rallied behind, and stuck with their l eaders, whether they
had voted for them or not or whether the war was going
badly or not.

And war was just as distasteful and the anguish just as
great then as it is today. Often there were more casualties
in one day in WWII than we have had in the entire Iraq war.
But that did not matter. The people stuck with the
President because it was their patriotic duty. Americans
put aside their differences in WWII and worked together to
win that war.

Everyone from every strata of society, from young to old
pitched in. Small children pulled little wagons around to
gather scrap metal for the war effort. Grade school
students saved their pennies to buy stamps for war bonds to
help the effort.

Men who were too old or medically 4F lied about their age
or condition trying their best to join the military.

Women doubled their work to keep things going at home.
Harsh rationing of everything from gasoline to soap, to
butter was imposed, yet there was very little complaining.

You never heard prominent people on the radio belittling
the President. Interestingly enough in those days there
were no fat cat actors and entertainers who ran off to
visit and fawn over dictators of hostile countries and
complain to them about our President. Instead, they made
upbeat films and entertained our troops to help the
troops' morale. And a bunch even enlisted.

And imagine this: Teachers in schools actually started the
day off with a Pledge of Allegiance, and with prayers for
our country and our troops!

Back then, no newspaper would have dared point out certain
weak spots in our cities where bombs could be set off to
cause the maximum damage. No newspaper would have dared
complain about what we were doing to catch spies. A
newspaper would have been laughed out of existence if it
had complained that German or Japanese soldiers were being
'tortured' by being forced to wear women's
underwear, or subjected to interrogation by a woman, or
being scared by a dog or did not have air conditioning.

There were a lot of things different back then. We were not
subjected to a constant bombardment of pornography,
perversion and promiscuity in movies or on radio. We did
not have legions of crack heads, dope pushers and armed
gangs roaming our streets.

No, President Bush did not make a mistake in his handling
of terrorism. He made the mistake of believing that we
still had the courage and fortitude of our fathers. He
believed that this was still the country that our fathers
fought so dearly to preserve.

It is not the same country. It is now a cross between
Sodom and Gomorra and the land of Oz. We did unite for a
short while after 9/11, but our attitude changed when we
found out that defending our country would require some
sacrifices.

We are in great danger. The terrorists are fanatic
Muslims. They believe that it is okay, even their duty, to
kill anyone who will not convert to Islam. It has been
estimated that about one third or over three hundred
million Muslims are sympathetic to the terrorists cause...
Hitler and Tojo combined did not have nearly that many
potential recruits. So... We either win it - or lose it -
and you ain't gonna like losing.

America is not at war. The military is at war.

America is at the mall, or watching the movie stars.

(Remember Obama said in his book 'Audacity of
Hope', 'I will stand with the Muslims should the
political winds shift in an ugly direction'.....what
better place for the Muslins to control our country, than
in the office of the President of USA . If you ever
forwarded an e-mail, now's the time to do it!)
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you.
 
JohnH
Hard to believe that so much misrepresentation (lies) could be contained in a single e-mail. The probable most significant one being that in WW2 we were defending ourselves not the aggressors trying to impose our will on a country that did us no real harm.

In the last presidential election I voted for Leonard Peltier. I find McCane (Bush light or maybe not so light) so scary that if there is any chance of Obama losing in California I will vote for him.
 
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