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I HATE 9/11!! Wish I Could Skip It
Hypatia
I know the date 9/11 is a bleak reminder every year for most anyone in the US, and the rest of the World, but for me it is also the 'anniversary' date of when I was attacked by an AVM (arteriovenous malformation) in my spinal cord. 9/11/2002, a bleak day for me, indeed.

Even though I'm a tough survivor of this tiny time bomb I never even knew was lurking, when this day rolls around every year I still wish I could just sleep through it, so I could have one day to not be reminded that I'll always have to live with the aftermath, and that the accompanying aneurysm is still there, and 'live'. Bah!!!!

The other 364 days of the year when I think of it, or talk about it, I call it 'acknowledgment'. But on this day each year I can't help but remember, really think about and have some sadness and a bit of anger about what the rupture took from me, knowing I'll never get it back, and remember what I used to be like 'before'. Sometimes I get so tired of struggling physically. But don't get me wrong! I understand that everyone has struggles of some kind or another, and mine really isn't any more difficult than any one else's, it's just maybe different. I think this date just brings on a kind of 'mourning'. I'd say, though, that 362 days of the year, at least, it's all balanced out by being grateful that the thing didn't kill me, or that the effects weren't any worse than they were. But even so, I'm now thinking that I may have to accept that I'll always have to face this date with a bit of melancholy, bitter-sweetness, and hit myself upside the head at the first sign of self pity.

I guess 'back then', when it happened, I thought that by this time I would have made more progress physically. Instead, over the years, I've lost ground. I'm not sure, but that may be a pun, heh. Some days that completely depresses me. But at least, AT LEAST I know, and I can honestly say that even though I didn't get the return I'd hoped for physically I've made progress in growing as a person in ways I may not ever have if this hadn't happened. Ironic. But that is SOMETHING! I've lost, but I've gained, and I guess when a person can go through something and then be able to say that, be able to live that, there's maybe as much sweet as bitter.

Un-happy anniversary! lol. I hope it's the only one of its kind to ever happen to me. No more! I'm finished with AVM attacks, and I refuse to be attacked by any stinkin' aneurysm!! NO!! Nuh-uh, ain't gonna do it no more. Grrrrrrrrr
Angry
 
catman
Hypatia: That was beautifully expressed. I must say that I admire your mental toughness.
"If I owned both Hell and Texas, I'd live in Hell and rent out Texas." - General Sheridan
 
Hypatia
Why thank you Cat! Smile
 
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